The current year marks a full decade since the word “vanishing” entered the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a partner has only become more bewildering – an frequently unsuccessful endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by online slang.
Zoomers, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.
What follows is a comprehensive guide to the terms this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.
Authenticity – For Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!
Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s response is engaged or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.
Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)
Seat theory – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.
Choremance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.
Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.
DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who forgo parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.
Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.
Indicators
Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).
The band Geese – A musical group many young men likes.
Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.
Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.
Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.
Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.
High-value woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?
Ick factors – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately kill any sense of desire.
“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet gesture.
Professions – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or counselors.
Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.
Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {
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