At times I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.
A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.
She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.
She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.
Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her make content.
I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.
She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.
I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.
I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.
I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.
Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.
I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people likes being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.
I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.
I value Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.
This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.
Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?
Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25
If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26
Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27
It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53
She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71
Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their bond?
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