Those Phrases given by A Parent That Saved Us when I became a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was simply just surviving for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of being a father.

But the truth soon became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her main carer as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple statement "You are not in a healthy space. You must get some help. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a broader failure to communicate between men, who still hold onto damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a sign of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to request a break - taking a couple of days overseas, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "poor actions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a friend, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like you before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - looking after you is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I think my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."